♥ Opportunities to connect and feel good about your relationship are lurking everywhere ♥
When you first met and got hitched, you couldn't stop gushing about married life and how wondrous it was going to be. In fact, the situation was so serious that your best friend, your sister, and even your mother were getting a little tired of hearing the details.
But then, after the wedding hoopla faded, you probably found that life kicked in at a wicked pace, your priorities got reshuffled, and you just didn't have time to sit back and reflect on your marital bliss. If you can relate, know this: "It's not the traditional stuff — the big dinner out once a year, or even the regular Saturday-night dates — that pulls you together and bonds you," says Constance Ahrons, Ph.D. "It's little bits of time stolen together and small, frequent gestures that remind you of what you have in common and your commitment to each other." Of course, no one's saying you should bag the annual dinner. But try these ideas from experts and couples, and you'll find that opportunities to connect and feel really good about your marriage are lurking everywhere, every day of the year.
1. Tell him you love him
Spill your most loving thoughts. "We tend to get caught up in complaining — he doesn't say this or do that — but it's so important to affirm out loud what a great guy he is, and why you fell in love with him, and love him so much today," says Gloria Richfield, Ph.D. Next time he cracks you up, pipe up about how incredible it is to be married to a guy with such a terrific sense of humor; or first thing in the morning, before your feet touch the floor, let him hear that whatever the workday holds can't faze you, since you know you'll see him that night.
2. Talk about the future
All new couples love to daydream about the future — the places you'll go, the parties you'll throw, the house you'll renovate — but that habit tends to fall by the wayside when you're in a long-standing union. To get that sense of anticipation going again, and make sure the coming years have the highlights you're hoping for, visualize the future together. Plan a romantic vacation, a wilderness adventure or something closer to home, like putting a Jacuzzi in your bathroom — and make it happen.
3. Give "just-because" gifts
Instead of going for big-ticket items on "real holidays," a writer and mom of three in California and her husband, Bill, give gifts when the appropriate occasion strikes, calendar be damned. "When I noticed that I was bored silly with seeing him in the same suit everyday, I took him shopping for a new one, and when he saw that a writer's conference was coming to a college near us, he signed me up to help my journalism career along," she says. "Those kinds of gifts make us feel connected, like we're looking out for each other all year long."
4. Keep a sex diary
"During our first anniversary dinner, after a little too much wine, my husband toasted our sex life and a particularly unusual spot in which we'd done the deed," says a portrait artist in Texas. "We began reminiscing and wrote down, in the back of my datebook, every place we'd ever had sex. Now, every anniversary dinner, we update that list, and if the new locations aren't numerous or exciting enough, we challenge ourselves to do better next year. It's silly but fun, and lets us obsess over our sex life a little."
5. Take the "happy" challenge
Your child's favorite shirt has gone AWOL. You've forgotten to mail the car payment for a week now. On top of all this, you're supposed to commit random acts of kindness for your husband? Well, yes, say the experts — you've got to make an effort to pamper that life partner of yours. "Ask yourself: 'What one little thing can I do to make this person happy today?'" suggests Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. It can be something as little as bringing a cup of coffee with just the right amount of milk or calling during the day to say, "I'm thinking about you." Those little touches make a guy feel appreciated, nurtured — and altogether in love with the institution of marriage.
6. Toast each other
Recognize the good stuff regularly. "We inherited this huge champagne glass from my grandparents — it holds almost a whole bottle of bubbly — and any time we have an excuse, we bring it down and drink to our life together," says one woman who works at a law firm. "We've used it on anniversaries, when we closed on our house and when either of us got a promotion or a new job." So if you didn't receive a pair of champagne glasses as a wedding present, buy some now and put them to use — often.
7. Get your picture taken
If you're like most couples, the only recent photograph you have is of your forearm bracing your child as she tries out her new Jolly Jumper. Invest in having a professional photo taken of you and your man, frame it, and squeeze it in between those baby pictures covering the hallway wall. That permanent record of the two of you, beaming at each other, will reinforce your happy state of togetherness whenever you glance at it.
8. Avoid usual topics
When you do have some quality time together — maybe on Sunday morning while the kids are watching cartoons — don't let conversation fall into the usual ruts, says Dr. Wallerstein, be it complaining about the boss or strategizing how to get your toddler to eat something other than peas. "Really talking — about your hopes, say, or your innermost thoughts — has an energizing effect on the relationship and helps you better know and appreciate each other," she says.
9. Re-create your early bonding ritual
Were the two of you knocked out by a particular film on one of your first dates? Rent it. Is there an album that served as the soundtrack to the summer you fell in love? Play it — often. Or did you used to meet for a drink at that little bar near the bookstore? Go there again. All will remind you of those heady early days, and give you ample opportunity to note how your love has deepened since.
10. Check on your sleeping children — together
The ideal time to moon over them is when they're soundly asleep, like angels. Tiptoe in together and revel in the fact that you made these wondrous little creatures. And remember, be very, very quiet.
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{SOURCE: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=8319163}
